It is common for you to feel and go through a whole host of emotions when caring for someone, especially with issues such as addictions.  Below are some of the common ones, by no means an exhaustive list.  You may not experience any of these, or just one or two.  However you may also find how you feel changes not just day-to-day but several times during a day.  Just remember that all these feelings are perfectly natural.  Talking about how you feel can be a source of comfort or an opportunity to 'offload' - if family or friends are 'too close' remember you can call Carers Link in confidence on 0800 975 2131.

Feelings Of Guilt

Many family members, especially parents, ask themselves whether something they have said or done has contributed to their loved one’s drug, alcohol or other dependency.  Remember, however, that everyone is responsible for the choices they make and for their behaviour, including gambling and drug or alcohol use.   

Worry about Stigma

Caring for someone with a dependency can be particularly isolating.  Concern about what people may think or say can make it harder for the individual and family to feel able to come forward for help.  Confidential support is available from the organisations listed within Useful Contacts, and support groups are available giving the chance to meet and chat with others in a similar situation.

Feelings Of Desperation

It is very common for Carers to feel overwhelmed by their caring situation, and to fear what the future holds. Seeing the person you care for behaving differently due to their dependency can be extremely frightening. You may benefit very much from talking with someone outwith your family who will listen without judging, and Carers Link support workers are always here to listen if you would like to talk through how you are feeling.

Preoccupation

Family members become totally absorbed in the mood, behaviour and activity of the dependent person and the family's world revolves around them. This occurs to such an extent that family members often neglect other responsibilities, not least to yourself. 

Fear

Because of the unpredictable, often erratic behaviour of the alcoholic/dependent person, family life is full of anxiety and dread. No one knows what will happen next, or when but, based on experience, everybody expects trouble. Not knowing what to expect from one day to the next or one minute to the next, creates tension in the home. Family members may try to suppress feelings of anger, shame and worry - then later, they may overreact.

Resentment

Family members are ashamed, hurt and angry about what has happened in their lives. They hold onto negative thoughts, feelings and blaming for years, sometimes even after the person stops drinking or using drugs.