Whether juggling family and work commitments to provide care a few hours a week, or caring 24 hours each day, if you provide regular help and support to a partner, relative or friend because they cannot manage without your help, then Carers Link is here for you.
In East Dunbartonshire 1 Person in 8 is a Carer.
Coping with Loss & Bereavement
Caring can be a very intense experience, and if the person you have been caring for dies then you may feel overwhelmed by a huge combination of feelings. As well as the grief that you feel at the death of a person close to you, you will also have your own feelings to work through about your caring role coming to an end.
Immediately after someone dies there are so many practical things to attend to and arrange, and so many people around trying to help out and provide support and comfort initially, that you may not be able to begin grieving or know how you are feeling until some time after. Even if the death was expected you may be feeling shocked and unprepared when the moment comes. You may be the person who needs to make decisions and attend to arrangements - take time to think about what you want and how you want things to be, and try not to feel pressurised to rush into things until you are ready.
When you have lost someone close to you, feelings may seem strange and overwhelming – remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Don’t be alarmed by the feelings you experience, your response and feelings are unique to you. Some common feelings that people often experience after bereavement include:
Just as there are no right or wrong ways to feel when someone dies, there is also no time limit on grief. As time passes, well-meaning folk may try to hurry you through the grief process and tell you that you should be over it by now, but many people find that it can take a very long time to cope without someone they love.
You may find it helpful to write down your feelings and thoughts in a notebook. Perhaps let the book contain your thoughts until you are stronger and can deal with them at a later stage. Perspectives can change with time, and the process varies enormously from person to person.
It is very common to feel relief that a caring role has come to an end, but many Carers feel guilty for having these feelings. Remember that, if you have had intense and difficult experiences as the Carer of someone close to you, it is entirely natural to feel some relief that this role is now over. Your feelings and experiences as a Carer are unique to you, and there is no right or wrong way to feel.
Many Carers say that they feel completely lost when their loved one has died and the initial flurry of activity around the funeral and other arrangements is over. Days can seem very long without the day-to-day caring role that you may have been carrying out for months, or many years. Some Carers become quite isolated socially whilst caring, indeed many give up work to look after a loved one. Getting in touch with friends and family who have perhaps become quite distant over time can seem very daunting when you are coming to terms with grief and the mixture of feelings which you are experiencing after bereavement.
For many people the death of someone close to them can bring the feeling that, for the first time, they simply cannot cope with everything on their own. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and if you work be sure to let your employer know what has happened so that you can take time off as you need it. It’s a good idea to let your GP know, too.
You may feel that you really want to talk about the person who has died and about your feelings now that they have gone. Remember that Carers Link provides Carers Call, a telephone support service for Carers whereby you can receive a telephone call every month or more frequently if you prefer, to chat about your experiences or just have a blether. Carers Call is open to people who have been Carers, not just to those who have an ongoing caring role. If you would like to know more about this service then please give us a call on Freephone 0800 975 2131.
If you have lost someone that you were caring for, why not come along to the After Caring Coffee & Chat afternoon to share experiences and to meet new people. We meet on the first Thursday of the month in the Carers Link meeting room between 1.30pm and 3.30pm. Click here for details of dates or check the latest What’s On newsletter.
CRUSE Bereavement Care is a national organisation that specialises in talking to those who need support and understanding because they are coping with the death of someone close to them. The local branch in Kirkintilloch can be contacted via the National Helpline 0845 600 2227 or by e-mail
Practical Information about what to do if someone dies is available from Carers Scotland, or Direct Gov however if you are worried about what happens to your home or finances, please also call Carers Link on 0800 975 2131.
